Whatnot Studios

In the Mahmoud for Love

2010-02-14T10:01:00.001-07:00

God Loves Kevin Smith (More Than You)

2010-02-11T10:38:00.000-07:00

Some years ago, I read this thing writer-director Kevin Smith said:

Yes, I believe in God. Why? Because I have a career. There can be no better explanation or proof of the existence of God than the fact that I have a film career!

At the time, I found this notion theologically offensive and morally repugnant. If that's the case, and God is to thank for Kevin Smith's successful film career (aside from all other factors such as luck and talent), then that's one big honking middle finger from God to most of the rest of us, His creation--explicitly those who are struggling to carve out a place for themselves in the film industry and also, implicitly, everyone on Earth (all ~6.999 billion of them) who would be considered less fortunate.

As I was driving home from school today, this crossed my mind again and I had a disturbing thought: what if instead of being theologically offensive, this is the most theologically sound thing that's ever been said? What if God really has favored Kevin Smith, simply because Kevin Smith is to be favored? Maybe questions of piety and religion and faith don't matter in the slightest, and any and all success comes simply because you're one of God's select favorites. Maybe God favors those with souls and maybe the rest of us are without souls. Talent, business savvy, the goodness of our fellow man--these things ultimately don't matter when God overrides it all with His spoils for His people.

But then I had a thought that's maybe even more disturbing: What if God has blessed Kevin Smith with his film career simply because God wants Kevin Smith movies?

What if you get up to the afterlife and God is just constantly hosting a never-ending View Askew-niverse marathon. How many times can we make it through Mallrats before we inquire about throwing in with Satan?

Field of Puppies

2009-12-12T14:33:00.000-07:00

Find yourself spirited away to the Field of Puppies.

Before you lies a vast, green expanse. The ceiling is a deep blue sky, lightly populated with fluffy white clouds that will give way to a dark, sacred night full of stars. The ground is covered with beautiful green grass, healthy and trim. And atop that grass, as far as the eye can see, are innumerable puppies frolicking in the field. All around you are wet noses, soft paws, and tiny, wagging tails.

In the Field of Puppies, the puppies are playful and frisky, but attuned to your wants and needs. Their adorable, soft barks will quiet if you quiet is what you desire. If you wish to play with them, they will be only too happy to comply. These puppies do not make messes; they smell like dreams and roses.

In the Field of Puppies, there are puppies of every breed and color. Should you wish to spend your time among Rottweiler puppies, they will be easy to find. Should you wish to play with Spaniels, seek them out. And if you wish to take a nap among a mixed group of breeds--the cutest, most adorable puppies of every shape and temperament there are--simply lie down in the cool grass. Puppies will flock to you and fall asleep on your resting body, creating a most incredibly comfortable blanket of puppies.

Return again and again to the Field of Puppies, a land of peace, warmth, and impossible cuteness.

A Pitch

2009-10-13T21:57:00.002-06:00

Termination

2009-10-13T21:31:00.000-06:00

If you've followed this blog at all in the last few months, you may have noticed that I abruptly stopped updating nearly a month ago, after so very nearly a year of daily or five-times-weekly updates. Indeed, I was nearing the anniversary of starting my daily content project. I was actually preparing to announce a great slowing down of my post production around September 16, when I last published this blog. As the weeks went on, I found myself sitting down to write or draw my posts after work, trying to produce something, anything before midnight. I felt like I do on those nights that my mind is racing and I keep telling myself "I have to sleep tonight. I have to!" Almost without fail, I'll eventually sleep, but it's rarely satisfying.

But then my personal life took a happy and rather distracting turn and I pretty much forgot all about Whatnot Studios. Creatively, I'd also like to focus on longer, more involved projects than nightly work on a blog can really allow. This experiment has been richly rewarding, though, and I hope that I will be able to keep up some of this momentum and continue producing work in some of my favorite demonstrated directions.

Keep an eye out here. Posts will become more frequent again. Thanks for reading!

Wednesday

2009-09-16T20:09:00.000-06:00

Without a sound, Wednesday crept up on Tuesday, and engulfed it in its embrace. When the warm waves of Wednesday quieted, Tuesday had vanished. And thus Wednesday reigned. But when Thursday arrived, Wednesday receded with characteristic silence and grace, acquiescing to the new day.

A Cat

2009-09-14T21:16:00.000-06:00

15 Favorite TV Shows

2009-09-11T18:18:00.001-06:00

Today has been a good, mostly lazy day to do laundry, read books, talk to people, and think. Among the things I have thought about are new projects and favorite television shows. And when presented with the question of what to post to my blog today, it was the television shows that shouted the loudest. Below, without much adornment, I present my 15 favorite television shows, as they occurred to me about an hour ago. I have left Japanese animated shows off this list, because for good or ill, they occupy a slightly different place in my mind.

1. The Sopranos. David Chase and his team of writers are cynical, cynical people with a cynical, cynical vision, and some of the greatest acting powerhouses in America. The American family, the media's mob, the meaning of life--it's all taken down with an impeccably entertaining touch.
2. The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show. This list is sadly lacking in television shows pre-1989, mostly because any shows I really liked from before then (Bewitched and I Love Lucy, for starters) were shows I pretty much haven't watched since I was a teenager, and thus don't really seem to count. But this show is practically nirvana. Its narrative tempo and proclivity for puns is, as far as I'm concerned, unrivaled.
3. Home Movies. The best American animated show since Rocky & Bullwinkle. Probably the best work anyone involved with it will ever do.
4. The Office (UK). Devastatingly funny. And just devastating.
5. The Wire. Season 4 may well be the height of series dramatic television. Season 5 isn't.
6. Curb Your Enthusiasm. Has anyone ever successfully pulled off a non-anthology horror television series? (Genuine question--I don't think I've seen it, though.) Because Larry David has, except he gives it to us dressed as a situation comedy.
7. NewsRadio. The middle three seasons of this show are probably the best, sharpest arguments for the medium of three-camera situation comedies that have ever been presented.
8. Freaks & Geeks. Show producer Judd Apatow has said that the good thing about so-called dramedies is that if the comedy falls flat, you can say it was supposed to be dramatic. Good thing this show excelled at both.
9. The Kids in the Hall. My favorite sketch comedy.
10. Seinfeld. Would probably be higher on the list, if I didn't think Curb Your Enthusiasm improved upon what Seinfeld started.
11. Mad About You. That seasons 4 through 7 of this show aren't on DVD is a sin. Few sitcoms could pull off capital-D Drama like this show could. That I've had a longstanding mancrush on Paul Reiser doesn't hurt. The show spun its wheels and got a tad too maudlin near the end of its run, but redeemed its worst moments with one of the best bow-outs that's ever graced television in its series finale. Really, my biggest beef with the show is that Anne Ramsay and Richard Kind both had their roles diminished as the show went on.
12. Arrested Development. The first season is pretty much perfect. Seasons 2 and 3 aren't, but they're still pretty great, for the most part.
13. The Simpsons. On the strength of its mid-nineties stuff, this might be higher. But then there's all the episodes I've seen from this decade.
14. Good Neighbors/The Good Life. Mid-seventies British sitcom goodness.
15. Darkwing Duck. I'll probably never be able to make a version of this list without Darkwing Duck.

September 12th EDIT: Slings & Arrows is conspicuously missing from this list. It belongs in the top 5-ish.

Argument

2009-09-10T23:00:00.002-06:00

_________________________
Coordinated content is on hiatus. It may return in the near or distant future.

9/9/9

2009-09-09T22:20:00.001-06:00

"You don't think this day is the slightest bit significant?"

"What? Because at some point, a group of people set in place a system of recording time that would yield a day that would be known as 9-9-9? No, of course not."

"Not even when I point out that it's a Wednesday?"

"What's that got to do with it?"

"Wednesday is the third day of the week--"

"--ah!--"

"--the workweek. And three squared is nine. Three threes is nine."

"And three nines are twenty-seven. Still, completely meaningless."

"Even in Europe, it's 9-9-9 today."

"Duh."

"You're saying that today does not portend anything significant or interesting?"

"Not likely, no."

"Well..."

"Well, what?"

"Um. It's my birthday."

Age

2009-09-08T22:16:00.000-06:00

Don't Fade Away

2009-09-04T11:14:00.000-06:00

My weekend looks to be very busy, and I don't have much time for coming up with a blog post for today. Instead, I'll post a song I like.

I tend to listen to music visually. A little music video or movie, however abstract, materializes in my head. Sometimes, this takes me to a very beautiful place, which is why, over the last few weeks, I've been listening over and over to Korean singer and musician Younha's song, "Strawberry Days."

Younha, "Strawberry Days", Someday

Task

2009-09-03T22:18:00.001-06:00

"This is bullshit," Jake said, holding the plate up so that Ernie the busboy. Ernie was sitting at the far end of the kitchen, his necktie untied, texting something or other to someone or other. Ernie was Jake's ride home, but he wasn't about to just jump in and help wash dishes. "I've already washed this stupid dish three times tonight. I can tell, because it's got this chip on the back."

"Uh-huh," Ernie nodded.

"It doesn't end. I'm like that guy with the rock on the hill I read about."

"Who, Sisyphus?"

"That's the one. Every night, I come in here and wash the dishes and just an hour later I have to wash them again. It's like--"

"JACOB COTTER!" a voice bellowed from somewhere below, rattling the pans hanging from the wall. Jake gripped the edge of the sink to steady himself. He looked over at Ernie, who indicated the drain in the center of the floor. "I, SISYPHUS, DO NOT GET PAID SIX DOLLARS AND FIFTY CENTS AN HOUR TO ROLL THIS BOULDER UP THIS STUPID HILL." And then there was silence.

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This post is an installment in a continuing series of content coordinated by theme or motif with posts from Enoch Allred of Chiltingham, John Allred of clol Town, Jon Fairbanks of Funkadelic Freestylings of Another Sort, Eli Z. McCormick and Miriam Allred of Modern Revelation!, John D. Moore of Whatnot Studios, Davey Morrison, and Joseph Schlegel of Sour Mayonnaise. This week's theme: 'Sisyphean'.

Full of Woe

2009-09-02T21:43:00.000-06:00

When she was a baby, she was inconsolable, always desperate for attention, but unsatisfied when she got it. When she was a child, she was uncharacteristically despairing, reacting to each bit of ill news tangential to her own circumstance with anxiety and sorrow. When she was a teenager, she isolated herself from her peers, as everything they said stung with great venom and they could never understand. When she was in college, she mourned her high school years and wept for how they held her back. Now an adult, she wonders whether she would be so full of woe had she been born a day later, or had her parents never heard a nursery rhyme.

Incomplete: Prince Charming

2009-09-01T20:21:00.000-06:00

Two years ago, I released my first online animated short, "The Frog Prince." I immediately started work on what was to be my follow-up, "Prince Charming." In fact, at that link, I said that I hoped it would be done sometime in September 2007. That didn't happen, mostly because of sudden dissatisfaction with my script.

I haven't worked on it in almost 2 years. But as I was looking through some old files tonight, I came across all this character work and some animation tests. Perhaps it's time to get cracking again.

A Sign?

2009-08-31T20:38:00.000-06:00

Three years ago, I had a job as a production assistant at an advertising agency for approximately three months. This meant a lot of things, none of them too thrilling. One of my not-thrilling assignments was daily stocking of the refrigerated soda cabinets on each floor, so I would inventory what sodas were in stock where, and carry a wagon full of 12-packs around for the first 1-2 hours of each shift. The soda cabinets were free to all employees (as was all the food and drink in the break rooms), and I took great advantage of this perk. On top of that, I knew where all the good shit was stashed.

So I consumed soda liberally. I was downing four to eight cans a day (not anywhere near my peak consumption a few years earlier when I was drinking 1 or 2 gallons of Coca-Cola a day), which was unusually high for that stage of my life. After a couple weeks of this, I swore off soda altogether and have not had a drop (with the exception of two or three rum and Cokes) since.

Until last weekend.

I had just ordered a pizza from Pizza Hut and found myself desiring of a Coca-Cola to accompany that hot greasy goodness. When I quit soda, I actually gave myself the option to continue to drink Coca-Cola with fast food and pizza, but had never taken advantage of that corollary.

So I went down to my apartment building's vending machine and inserted the required $1.25. It's a Coca-Cola vending machine, so a quarter of its products actually are Coca-Cola. I hit one of the four Coca-Cola buttons at random, and out popped a Cherry Coke. My finger didn't slip. There must have been some error in stocking. I do not like Cherry Coke. I don't like it because it tastes like Dr. Pepper and I don't like Dr. Pepper because it tastes like Cherry Coke.

So there I was, with another $1.25 in my wallet and a drink I didn't want.

It occurred to me that after 3 years of abstaining, my abstinence was about to be compromised. I'd quit soda largely for health reasons. At dozens of parties and friend's apartments, I'd declined soda, content to just drink water. Was this a complete failure of my own self-mastery? For an instant, I wondered if perhaps this was a sign of some sorts. Does God exist and does He wish me to keep my own promises to myself? Was some supernatural force attempting intervention in an effort to keep me off some slippery slope? My fingers danced on the lips of my wallet.

I bought a Coca-Cola. For reals this time.

Does anyone want this Cherry Coke?

The Dilemma Recurrent

2009-08-28T19:57:00.000-06:00

Dave at a New Bar

2009-08-27T22:11:00.001-06:00

Dave had been chatting pleasantly with the patrons of the bar amicably. It was his first night in this cozy downtown bar. He'd had some work out near this bar a few weeks ago and his old haunt had at last uncovered his secret.

As the evening wore on, he had gotten into a conversation with a large table, all regulars to the bar. He fit in easily, and he found the topics and tenor of their conversation suited him well. Still, he found his eyes drawn to a stunning redhead sitting at the bar. And her eyes seemed to keep finding their way back to him.

At the urging of a round-faced man whose name Dave hadn't caught, Dave got up to cross the bar and offer the lady a drink. But halfway there, a delicate hand tapped him on the shoulder. He spun around to see a short blonde woman whose face looked vaguely familiar.

"I'm sorry?" Dave inquired.

"You're that guy--that ergonomicist who came by our office a few weeks ago, aren't you?" she grinned. She was obviously drunk, but she was also right. Dave returned her a blank stare. "You are! Hey everyone, we've got an ergonomicist in the house!"

"Oh, shit! Where?" a large man playing pool abandoned his game.

Within seconds, Dave was surrounded by animated hands and eager voices and excited questions. What is the best keyboard to use? If standing's so great for you, why can't I get a standing desk? Have they developed ergonomic toilets yet? Am I sitting on this barstool in proper ergonomic fashion?

He was the evening's celebrity. The stunning redhead asked "Might my sore back have to do with the way I swivel in my chair?" and with that she was dead to him, as was the bar. He was running out of places to go on this city.

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This post is an installment in a continuing series of content coordinated by theme or motif with posts from Enoch Allred of Chiltingham, John Allred of clol Town, Jon Fairbanks of Funkadelic Freestylings of Another Sort, Eli Z. McCormick and Miriam Allred of Modern Revelation!, Davey Morrison, and Joseph Schlegel of Sour Mayonnaise. This week's theme: 'Ergonomics'.

Wednesday at 8/7 Central

2009-08-26T22:06:00.000-06:00

Aaron Blake. Hailey Jensen. NewsRadio's new season. Wednesday, September 24, 1997--at Hailey Jensen's freaking house!

How had it all started? Aaron wondered, lying on his bed, taking a moment's break from figuring out which shirt to wear. Just two days before, this had been the stuff of fantasy. And now, here he was, 45 minutes away from getting in his mom's car and driving over to the girl whose name had been on the tip of his tongue since eighth grade.

It was no coincidence that Aaron sat behind Hailey in two of his six classes. Timing precisely when to arrive in a class on the first day of school was a skill he'd been practicing for years. He hadn't yet spoken to Hailey this year (one of her best friends sat adjacent to her), but he was near her, and that was probably going to be enough.

But on that fateful Monday, as he was heading out the door to his bus stop, his mother stopped him to relay that new episodes of his favorite sitcom, NewsRadio, were advertised to be starting this week. Not wanting to forget, Aaron scribbled a reminder on the front of his Spanish notebook, and skipped out the door.

When Hailey Jensen took her seat in fourth period Spanish, that note must have caught her eye. She turned around and asked him if he liked the show. Aaron, caught off guard, gave a clumsy answer, but once Hailey revealed herself to be a fan of the show, they were talking as casually as if they were old war buddies. The spoke of the absurdity that was last season's finale, "Space." Aaron thought he would die laughing, hearing Hailey describe the goofy mustache Andy Dick sported in last season's opener.

"So, yeah, new episodes are starting this week, apparently," Aaron affirmed--thanks, Mom!

"That's so awesome. Last year," Hailey said, "my sister and I would always get together every Wednesday with a big bowl of popcorn and watch NewsRadio together. It was so fun. Like the highlight of my week."

"That sounds like fun. I'm the only one in my house who likes the show."

"Oh yeah? You should come over Wednesday, then." And snap! Like that, Aaron would be spending time with the girl of his dreams (all but confirmed by their newfound mutual interest), at her house, in the evening. It wasn't a date per se--but it totally was. And though it was ambiguous, Aaron had noticed that Hailey hadn't been so wary and careful as to specify this Wednesday. She said "Wednesday," which could very well imply that this was on its way to becoming a regular thing. Aaron sighed contentedly.

Wednesday. 6:18 p.m. Aaron was just reparting his hair for the eighth time when his younger brother Jeremy banged on his door. "Phone's for you!" Jeremy yelled. "It's some girl!"

Aaron opened the door and snatched the phone from Jeremy's hand. "Hello?" Aaron asked, putting too fine a point on his question mark.

"Hi, Aaron? It's Hailey." It was Hailey! "So my sister just checked the TV Guide and it turns out that NBC moved NewsRadio to Tuesday nights. We missed the premiere!"

"Oh, no!" Aaron's heart plunged deep into his bowels, but he knew he had to laugh it off. "It was last night! Oh gosh, that sucks! That's so lame of them."

"I know, right? Totally blows."

"Man, weak," Aaron muttered, but he knew he had to act quickly to save this. "Well, raincheck for next Tuesday, maybe? We can pretend it's the premiere and act all surprised when last night's episode's in reruns."

Hailey left a pregnant pause on the line. "That's the thing, though," she said slowly. "I have dance class on Tuesday nights? So, I'll just make my sister tape it for me and I'll watch it when I get home."

Aaron's body tensed and stiffened and so did his voice, "Well, maybe we can talk about it on Wednesdays. Y'know, in class?"

"Yeah, sure, totally, totally. Too bad about tonight, though. I'll see you in school, bye---"

"Good-bye," Aaron cut her off. Damn! Damn, damn, fuckpissshit damn!

"B'bye," Hailey repeated. Dial tone.

And thus ended Aaron Blake's one shot at high school romance.

Up Above My Head

2009-08-25T21:07:00.002-06:00

Found

2009-08-24T20:49:00.000-06:00

Today, I went to my bank to deposit a check. At the little stand which houses the deposit slips, there were a couple of slips, torn and crumpled. Among them was this:

I also took notice of its other half, which had a girl's name written on the date line. When I saw it, I felt cheered up, even though I hadn't really been down beforehand. I slipped it into my pocket.

Jane's Power

2009-08-21T15:53:00.001-06:00

Life Is Hell for a Demon

2009-08-20T22:09:00.002-06:00

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This post is an installment in a continuing series of content coordinated by theme or motif with posts from Enoch Allred of Chiltingham, John Allred of clol Town, Jon Fairbanks of Funkadelic Freestylings of Another Sort, Eli Z. McCormick and Miriam Allred of Modern Revelation!, Davey Morrison, and Joseph Schlegel of Sour Mayonnaise. This week's theme: 'Demon'.

Nothing Important Happens on Wednesdays

2009-08-19T15:16:00.000-06:00

Benny wasn't touching his cereal. "You'd better hurry," his older sister, Janice, urged, pushing her bowl away. "The bus will be here in like five minutes."

"I wish it wasn't Wednesday. Nothing important or interestings ever happens on Wednesdays," Benny whined.

"That's not true," his sister shot back. "Plenty of things have happened on Wednesdays."

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

"Christopher Columbus set sail on his first voyage on a Wednesday."

"Meh," Benny muttered.

"Let's see. Victory Over Japan Day was a Wednesday." Benny shrugged. "I think the original Bastille Day was a Wednesday," Janice added thoughtfully. No reaction from Benny. "In fact, I believe you were born on a Wednesday."

"Not really interesting or important," Benny sighed.

"Well, then. By your measure, I don't think anything important or interesting has ever happened," Janice stood up, grabbing her bookbag from the floor.

"I guess not," Benny said. "Wednesday's not so bad, I suppose. No more worse or boring than any other day. Hold up. Let me get my shoes on."

Kindly Candy Man

2009-08-18T21:17:00.000-06:00