WhatnotStudios.com

Three years ago, I had a job as a production assistant at an advertising agency for approximately three months. This meant a lot of things, none of them too thrilling. One of my not-thrilling assignments was daily stocking of the refrigerated soda cabinets on each floor, so I would inventory what sodas were in stock where, and carry a wagon full of 12-packs around for the first 1-2 hours of each shift. The soda cabinets were free to all employees (as was all the food and drink in the break rooms), and I took great advantage of this perk. On top of that, I knew where all the good shit was stashed.

So I consumed soda liberally. I was downing four to eight cans a day (not anywhere near my peak consumption a few years earlier when I was drinking 1 or 2 gallons of Coca-Cola a day), which was unusually high for that stage of my life. After a couple weeks of this, I swore off soda altogether and have not had a drop (with the exception of two or three rum and Cokes) since.

Until last weekend.

I had just ordered a pizza from Pizza Hut and found myself desiring of a Coca-Cola to accompany that hot greasy goodness. When I quit soda, I actually gave myself the option to continue to drink Coca-Cola with fast food and pizza, but had never taken advantage of that corollary.

So I went down to my apartment building’s vending machine and inserted the required $1.25. It’s a Coca-Cola vending machine, so a quarter of its products actually are Coca-Cola. I hit one of the four Coca-Cola buttons at random, and out popped a Cherry Coke. My finger didn’t slip. There must have been some error in stocking. I do not like Cherry Coke. I don’t like it because it tastes like Dr. Pepper and I don’t like Dr. Pepper because it tastes like Cherry Coke.

So there I was, with another $1.25 in my wallet and a drink I didn’t want.

It occurred to me that after 3 years of abstaining, my abstinence was about to be compromised. I’d quit soda largely for health reasons. At dozens of parties and friend’s apartments, I’d declined soda, content to just drink water. Was this a complete failure of my own self-mastery? For an instant, I wondered if perhaps this was a sign of some sorts. Does God exist and does He wish me to keep my own promises to myself? Was some supernatural force attempting intervention in an effort to keep me off some slippery slope? My fingers danced on the lips of my wallet.

I bought a Coca-Cola. For reals this time.

Does anyone want this Cherry Coke?